I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i've created a new STD.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize