This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
