If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
