No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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