TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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