I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
