Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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