In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found the puke drawer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
