somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
