Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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