u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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