I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I skipped work to stalk him.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
