My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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