Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
