I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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