butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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