a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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