Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
