fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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