when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
