By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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