I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
