Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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