I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
