I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
