69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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