I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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