i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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