If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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