He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bring money and cleavage
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
