A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
