I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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