I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
