8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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