My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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