No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
