my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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