I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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