Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
