And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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