Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
