she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
