i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
