Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize