He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
