so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
