you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
