Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
