you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
