forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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