He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize