We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
