Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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