After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
