The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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