i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Even my vagina gasped.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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