you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
