Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's never too late to be topless.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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