you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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