remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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