were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
