Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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