Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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