You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
