one two three fourrrrnication!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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