Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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