they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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