i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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